this is me i fear

Back and Better Than Ever: kinda sorta not really but getting there

Hi My Lovelies! How I've missed you all so much! I hate to have been neglecting the blog so in true cold brew luvr fashion heres a cutsey little timeline and lore deepdive of what my hotties have missed! 

TW: breif mentions of edb's, and relapse if this is not conducive to your journey no worries honeys catch me in the next post :)

Ok so what's been happening in my life? SO Much but to avoid yapping and run onn sentences I will sum up each life event breifly. Let's take it all the way back to where we left off with my last blog post and go from there ;)

- Finished my finals! thank the lord and didn't fail any and successfully evaded summer school woo hoo go me!

- My Family from out of town came to visit. Some unkind comments on my body and weight were made which did lead me to relapse as if I wasn't already there with the stress of finals and college but c'est la vie

- Taught my first ever dance class completely by myself! was fun I was super nervous and have a newfound love and respect for my dance teachers

- Went to overnight camp staff training in the middle of the woods!? and surprise I didn't have fun the whole time granted it was 95 degrees half of the days and as a cutsey fashion girly camping isn't my cup of cold brew

- SAW LANA IN CONCERT! truly the highlight of my life seeing lanita aka mother aka the women who raised me in concert granted the concert was insane but sm fun

- Relapsed in b/p :( now interestingly enough over the 4 years now that I've struggled with my ed it seems to shape-shift. There was a time where I only used to restrict and had completely eliminated purging however recently i've relapsed in bp which is never fun and has if anything made me more self concious and made the ed voice louder than restriction in a different way if that even makes sense?

-Recovery win? I had bread and pasta for the 1st time in 2 years at a family dinner! Win ig it doesnt feel like a win to me but that's ed's voice creeping in and the blog is just for the hotties sorry ed

- Went 3 weeks without therapy. Now by choice? no but honestly not that it wasnt bad but idk girl bc to tell the truth I really dont tell my therapist much about what i'm feeling or talk about my ed we mainly talk about fun things like weekend plans and boyfriends etc. and maybe thats bad of me but I can't even admit that i have an ED out loud which part of it is embarrassment bc if I admit then everyone might think I'm faking it bc I'm not underweight I mean even my therapist said she see's "ive been doing a better job at nourishing myself" when in reality I just am going through the worst B/P phase of my life which has caused me to gain sm bc I dont always P using a certain method. 

Anyways lovelies I know that was a lot but you guys know more than anyone that I'll always keep it real with you guys and never sugarcoat anything but I promise more lighthearted but also real posts are soon to come. 

As you all know please Take care, Drink your water, Take your vitamins, Nourish your bodies, and Be kind to your minds. I'll talk to you all very soon.

XOXO, 

Cold Brew Luvr